Four Pillars
Linda and I were in Wisconsin a few weeks ago, and we drove by the building of the church we established over 35 years ago. It feels good to drive by the building and know that all that work paid off…that there is still a strong and growing congregation there.
The four pillars holding up the carport caught my eye. I remember putting them in. The white pillars that are visible are just aluminum wraps around steel posts. I remember wrapping them. And I remember holding the steel posts in place with a plumb level on the side while the welder attached them to the beam above and to the steel plate below that emerged from the concrete footing. I also remember pouring the concrete footings. They actually extend nine feet below fill dirt to four-foot-square slabs I had poured on the undisturbed ground two weeks before. To extend the foundation the additional nine feet up to ground level where the steel posts could be attached, I used twelve-inch circular forms I found at Menards.
I used a small cement mixer to mix the concrete, and filled the forms that would hold up the steel posts to support the carport. When it was all finished, I even shingled the roof on top. It was pretty cool to look back and see all four pillars still standing firm, with no sag, and the roof held up strong and level.
But it all came down to the four foundation slabs beneath those pillars.
Thinking about my kids, I wondered, “What were the important foundation slabs that undergirded our children?” And four came to mind:
Unconditional love. I know all parents say they love their children. But the proof in the pudding is in the eating. Love is demonstrated by affection, words of affirmation, sacrificial care, and, from a child’s perspective, time.
Consistent discipline. Children cannot learn from those they do not accept as their authority. We believed that our children needed to know from early on that we were the parents and they were the kids, and that would determine whether or not they would learn anything else from us.
Consistent lifestyle. Kids learn more about the way we live than the things we tell them. It was important to us that we be the same people all the time—at home, at church, alone, or with our friends. Kids see through phoniness quicker than anyone.
Constant teaching. We also believed it was important to tell our kids on a daily basis why we lived the way we lived, why we valued the things and principles we valued, and how they could live in a way that God would be honored.
These four principles are absolutely necessary for parents to effectively pass their values on to their children—what we call effective parenting. I hope they stand as firm in our kids’ lives as the four pillars in front of my former church.